{image1} The Train Bar, which recently chugged out of town, had the most random, unwritten rules in the history of bar etiquette. Even the squeakiest citizens found themselves tossed out for ringing the buzzer more than once or accidentally insulting the super sensitive, deadpan waiter.

"I once got thrown out (of the Train Bar) for coughing too loud," says Mike Anderson.

But even the friendliest establishments have rules. Take the Safe House, for instance. The James Bond-themed bar has had the same "secret" password since opening in the late '60s, and even though it's 35 years later, not every visitor knows it.

"If I hear someone saying the password or telling another patron the password I tell them they're a bad spy and they have to buy shots," says DJ Rogan, the Safe House's bar manager.

So make sure you know the culture before invading the territory, and if you find yourself tossed out on your ear one of these nights, don't say we didn't try to warn you.

Angelo's -- Don't make fun of the well-dressed men with pinky rings and fat cigars unless you want to drive around with your kneecaps in the trunk of your car.

Art Bar -- Except for the last hour of operation, there is a designated smoking section, so don't light up at the bar or you might get spanked.

Art's Concertina Bar -- It's tempting to refer to the squeezeboxes at Art's as "accordions," but if you want the owner to show you his playful and slightly perverted bar tricks, better call 'em what they really are: concertinas!

At Random -- Don't order a beer in this classic lounge. With hundreds of specialty and ice cream drinks, some of which are on fire, it's an insult to the barkeep. And if Ol' Blue Eyes is issuing forth from the speakers, do not -- do not! -- ask the staff to play something else instead (although, they might cue up Herb Alpert's "The Lonely Bull" if you ask nicely and the mood is right!).

Henry's -- It's fine to watch chess games, just don't make suggestions or it's off with your head!

Major Goolsby's -- Don't ask to turn the game down and, for the love of hot wings, don't ever ask to turn the game off.

The Miller Time Pub -- Never say "I'll have a Bud Light" in this downtown watering hole. Enough said.

The Nomad -- Even if you don't scrub your paws after peeing at home, better at least pretend to do it here since Nomad's sink is out in the open, where every drinker will know if you no washy after wipey. Same goes for The Foundation, Palm Tavern and the White House.

Palm Tavern -- Although Miller is the drink of choice in many bars, do not -- we repeat -- do not order one in this Mecca of microbeers.

Palomino -- On weekend evenings, don't sit at the tables if you're not eating. You'll get shooed to the lush section for those temporarily on the liquid diet.

Roman's -- Tread lightly when belly up to this bar. Owner Mike Roman doesn't mince words.

Safe House -- As mentioned earlier, never tell anyone the password. Leakers will be forced to buy rounds of shots or forced to drink multiple Spy's Demise cocktails, the closest thing in town to electric Kool-Aid. (You're looking for a WHAT?)

Shank Hall -- It's no use telling the door person that you're on the guest list, even if you are, because he won't believe you. 

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