{image1} So, Milwaukee's population has dropped by about 3,600 people, according the Census Bureau. We say, look on the bright side. A few thousand fewer people only makes Milwaukee better. Here's why.
- We didn't like those 3,600 losers anyway!
- More room for the rest of us
- Easier to park
- 3,600 fewer beers spilled on us at Summerfest
- Less traffic!
- Milwaukee now about 540,000 lbs. lighter
- Better to king of the smaller cities than punching bag of the big ones
- It's not the size, it's how you use it
- Shorter weekend lines at Alterra at the Lake ... maybe
- Green Bay finally has fighting chance to become the biggest city in Wisconsin
- Miller Park's lower capacity (than County Stadium) finally makes sense
- Deer may actually outnumber people
- 3,600 fewer mustaches
- Mequon and Waukesha can get a taste of traffic for a change
- Even fewer people will buy the Journal Sentinel
- Still way bigger than Atlanta (423,019) and Ted Turner doesn't own our baseball team
- We still have more females than males!
- And there's less competition for those ladies and fellas
- Milwaukee's median age still less than Cleveland (33.7 vs. 31.8)
- Tall, Australian white guys still want to come here
- When Usinger's grills its "World's Largest Brat" at German Fest next month, we each get to eat that much more of it
- Emergency Room waiting times no longer a concern
- Mellencamp's "Small Town" more relevant to Milwaukee now
- We now all contribute that much more to Miller Park, so we each own more of it!
- Easier for politicians to "serve their constituents"
- We still crush Minneapolis (329,099) and our winters are still bearable, arguably
- Maybe now, Elton John will never come back!
- Less competition at the closeout racks
- Mitchell International now even easier to get in and out of
- Does this number include Terry Porter?
- Our count doesn't include dead people like Chicago's
- More custard for everyone
- Less pressure in Top 25 than Top 20
- New Marquette Interchange instantly has longer lifespan
- Better chance at scoring the best seats in the house
- Private cells for everyone in the county jail!
- Now easier to spot Halle Barry should she come back to town
- Al Jarreau now an even bigger star!
- Fewer people driving past your house and stealing your Wi-Fi
- 3,600 fewer people embarrassed by the Marquette nickname scandal (maybe that's why they left!)
- Plenty of elbow room at State Fair this year
- Better chances of winning an OMC contest
- Your chances of being chosen for "Trading Spaces" next time they come to Milwaukee are now even higher
- Less people equal less pollution
- Now you're even more likely to run into people you know when you go out
- The ex-Milwaukeeans will inevitably come back to visit, therefore boosting the city's tourism
- More space to spread your blanket at Jazz in the Park
- The bar capacity ordinance now poses less of a problem
- More cheese curds for the rest of us
- Fewer people attending upscale events in sweat pants
- No more waiting for a Stairmaster at the Y
- Better chance of winning a free lunch at Cousin's
- Shorter waiting time while calling to complain to Time Warner
- Gives us the right to self-righteously bitch about other places with population problem
- Smoky bars less smoky
- Fear of not meeting anyone better will keep divorce rates low
- UPAF's campaign record of $10,155,610 now seems even more impressive
- Lower population should make Wal-Mart reconsider adding new stores
- Assuming some of those leaving were musicians, less competition for noon gigs at summer festivals
- More available slots at Potawatomi
- More tasty water we can sell to Waukesha
- 3,600 more Packers sweatshirts promoting Wisconsin football in other cities
- Milwaukee closer to goal of trading status of "city" for that of "burg"
- Plenty more web-surfing bandwidth on Roadrunner
- Less competition for the horseshoe pits at county parks
- We move higher up on the bars per capita list
- More room in the sauna at Tubs
- New phone book much lighter
- Instead of three degrees of separation among Milwaukeeans, now just two
- Everyone's personal space now expanded
- Less poop in new dog parks
- Better chance of being "discovered" for Wisconsin lottery commercials
- Crowd controllers/bouncers have more free time
- Fewer feces in Lake Michigan
- Could this mean fewer parking checkers?
- Easier to hail a cab at bar time
- Better service for all you can eat tacos at Slim's
- Mo empty buildings for expansion of Johnny V's empire
- Shorter lines at monosyllabic Milwaukee Street clubs
- Fewer jaywalking tickets
- Bayshore expansion now justified
- Plenty of available housing for imported SAB employees
- Easier for students to crack 10% of class
- Faster bar-time seating at Ma Fischer's
- More opportunities for city employment
- Glut of new condos combined with lower population may force price drop
- Shorter wait at downtown hot dog carts
- Pepperoni/Cannoli Guy's inventory fresher
- More free wine per person at Gallery Night
- Student/Teacher ratio improved
- Fewer KKK members in Riverwest
- Fungus index declines in area bowling shoes
- Gene pool gets overdue skimming
- Shorter lines at the DMV
- Fewer people complaining about property taxes
- Plenty of good tee times now available
- Finally, we can get a seat on the patio at Paddy's
- And more free M&Ms there for us!
- Everyone now gets their own personal Downtown Public Service Ambassador
- Mayor expected to personally thank everyone who stayed