So, having completed his sex rehab in Mississippi, Tiger Woods was sitting around with his agent, Mark Steinberg, and Steiny, as Tiger calls him, had this brilliant idea.
"We'll have a press conference, except it won't be a press conference", Steiny said.
"What are you talking about; I'm not doing a press conference?" Tiger retorted.
"Exactly, we'll have a press conference about nothing!" Steiny said.
"Wait, let me get this straight, you send out a press release on a week where the Tour has not only one, but two events; then we'll invite only two, no, three selected press outlets and, oh, here's the kicker, one camera to feed the rest of the press that will be sequestered in a hotel ballroom a mile away," said Tiger. "I'll make a statement, maybe say ‘I'm sorry, say I'm working on things, please respect my family's privacy, yada, yada, yada,' and then we'll take no questions?"
"Exactly," Steiny said.
"A press conference about nothing. I think you've got something there," Tiger said.
And so it will come to pass Friday morning, when there will be a press conference about nothing. All that's missing is Elaine, Kramer and the Soup Nazi.
Oh sure, Tiger will wax poetic and say that he's sorry, that he let himself, his wife, his family, his sponsors, his fans and the Tour down, but today is about moving forward and that's what he intends to do. He might riff about his future in golf. He may drop a hint or two about when he will return to competitive golf.
Think about this, why, after three months of speculation and little if anything coming directly from the Woods camp, would Tiger have to make a statement on a Friday in February, the week the Tour has two events and hold it three hours from his house at the clubhouse of the Tour's most visible event?
He's not doing this on a Monday, when he would own the news cycle for the next 24 to 48 hours and beyond. He is doing it right up against the Tour at their place and on their dime. It's Tiger being Tiger. And you're not.
Also for your consideration, make no mistake, this was a cold-blooded calculation that the "event" was released on Wednesday during the first round of the Accenture Match Play Championship in Marana, Ariz.
Remember, Accenture was the first sponsor to drop Tiger and did so using strong language condemning his behavior. Not only did Tiger bypass their event, he is stealing the spotlight from it. Again -- Tiger being Tiger.
For those who think that Tiger will return with a gleam in his eye, a strut in his step and a bigger, better (cosmetically enhanced/repaired) smile for all the world to see, I say, think again. The very nature of the event that is going to be staged this Friday leads me to believe that Tiger still thinks it's his world and we're just along for the ride, for better or worse.
