Summer seems to be slipping away. State Fair is already upon us, June is a distant memory and those obnoxious back-to-school commercials are the only thing taking up more air time than the political ads.
I don't know about the rest of you, but the past three months flashed by in the blink of an eye. It's been one hell of a fun time, don't get me wrong. I'm just getting to the point where living out of a suitcase and coming home to an apartment that I haven't had time to clean in weeks is getting to be a bit much.
As I've established, I don't have kids. I don't even have a pet, so in theory, my life should be all about me. However, I woke up this morning and realized that I'm beginning to feel like I'm spending more time pleasing everyone else in my life and almost always putting myself last on the list.
I have no one to blame but myself. I'm a pleaser. I always want to make those around me happy and meet their needs even if it means putting my own wants or needs aside for the time being. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be helpful and accommodating but when it leads to spending zero time on yourself... the stress can add up.
When you're in a relationship, it can be even harder. Even after the "honeymoon period," if you're into who you're with then you probably enjoy spending quite a bit of time together. Typically that doesn't mean you want to hang out and watch the other person clean, balance their checkbook or wax their eyebrows. So time with Significant Other is added to the schedule.
Yet, I feel a little guilty about feeling this way. My best friend literally hibernated all summer studying for the Wisconsin bar exam and days after going through the stress of taking it, had to dive head first into finalizing the plans for her upcoming wedding.
Even after typing that I'm thinking "and I think I'm stressed out!"
Not only is she brilliant, she's also totally on top of her game when it comes to her life and she knows what she can commit to and what she can't. Even when she's starting to doubt herself, her fiancé and I know that anything she puts her mind to she can do.
Long story short, I envy the hell out of her. She does so much and yet always seems to find time, whether it's a run, drinks with the girls or just some veg out time with a book or the TV. She's smart enough to know that she needs a piece of every day for herself.
But the rest of us... At the end of the day, do you ask yourself... "what do I have left?"
Think of yourself as a spigot. If you're running all day and filling everyone else's glass, at the end of the day, week, month, year, you are empty and you don't even have a drop left for yourself.
I realize it sounds a bit like a tag line for an anti-depressant prescription, but how great can you be to others if you've run dry by the end of the day? If your friend is trying to unload all the details of her nasty divorce, meanwhile you're busy trying to remember when your last oil change was or whether there's milk in the fridge, clearly you are not going to be able to listen or respond well.
Your brain and your body need time to recharge to regularly deal with all the shit that life throws at you plus the enjoyable things you don't want to say no to. If we're lucky, life is a long-term race and once in a while we all need a breather.
When you stop and think about the past few years and what we've managed to survive in terms of the economy and the job market, it can open your eyes to how hard it is for those living close to or below the poverty line to catch their breath. When, in any fathom of the imagination, would that take place? If you're consumed with trying to barely scrape by in terms of food, shelter, and healthcare, then you certainly have no time in your life to plop down and read for an hour or two or take a walk. There is no such thing as a ‘recharge' when you are just dealing with surviving each day. (Which by the way, is why, even in my low points in life, when I wanted to be the most selfish, I'm always the first to give a couple bucks to the guy on the street. Never assume you know someone's situation when you won't even bother to ask their name.)
We all need some escapism as well. And I don't just mean the type you can DVR, though I love watching the dysfunctional and scripted lives of people I don't know. Take a walk, go for a bike ride, go to the gym and kick the Stairmaster's ass. Even if I've had one of those days that makes you want to move to a commune and never return, a yoga class, long walk or a serious cardio session while blasting Lady Gaga, makes a lot of the day disappear if only temporarily.
Summer is nearing its end and minus the epic flooding, oil spills and once again having to listen to Brent... Brad... sorry, Brett Favre play the attention whore as only he can, I'm really going to miss it. I hope you have all been lucky enough to have been able to enjoy the beautiful weather and possibly take a few moments for you and only you... because you know as well as I do, that in a few short months it'll be a completely different world in the Midwest.
You have X number of hours on the earth and even though it feels morbid; you have to decide how you want to spend those hours. Most importantly don't waste those hours on someone or something you don't like. And put a little bit more time for yourself on top of that to do list.
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.
