Milwaukee "sexters" come clean

For centuries, sweethearts and romantic hopefuls have exchanged passionate love messages, from the poetic epistle to the heartfelt outside-the-window serenade. Since the dawn of the 21st century, a new form of sensual communication has transpired: sexting.

Sexting is the act of sending a sexually explicit text message and/or photo to someone via a cell phone. And it seems like a lot of people are doing it.

One of the most high-profile sexting escapades (sexcapades?) was Brett Favre's 2010 "Crocs incident" when he allegedly sent former New York Jets' employee Jenn Sterger indecent photos while wearing rubber shoes. Former Congressman Anthony Weiner (really? "Weiner?") and former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain are among the numerous politicians who were ensnared in recent sexting scandals.

Sexting is popular with couples in a variety of age groups. Teen sexting is problematic on multiple levels, not only because many parents believe it is not age-appropriate behavior, but also because the sexting phenomenon has increased the number of pornographic images of minors floating around.

However, when consenting adults choose this form of racy communication it isn't harmful. In fact, for many Milwaukee couples, sexting keeps their relationship fresh and fun.

Melanie Whitlow is 30 and married. She and her husband, Steve, sext almost every day, sometimes more. She says the content varies a lot, depending on their moods, and range from a seductive message like "I want to feel my body against yours" to a "down and dirty, totally XXX photo."

"You really have to trust the person to whom you're texting those pictures," says Melanie.

Melanie says that even though she really enjoys sexting, and believes it contributes to their loving relationship, it does not replace real sex for her and her husband.

"I enjoy sexting because it helps to keep the fires stoked. It lets him know I'm thinking about him, and not just thinking about him, but thinking about him in probably the best of all possible ways. Knowing that you'll be having sex, on the regular, really helps the rest of life go by with less stress, in our experience," she says.

Milwaukee's Mary (who asked us not to use her last name), 50, regularly sends sexts to her boyfriend. Mary was married once and then in a 10-year relationship with another man, but she says she never sent a sext massage until she started dating her current partner.

"When we started doing it, it was constant. All day long, back and forth. It was super hot, crazy. It consumed my work day sometimes, but it was exciting," says Mary.

The sexts were usually very descriptive accounts of oral sex or masturbation and the photos exchanged ranged from sassy underwear shots to images of extremely graphic sex acts.

Mary says she and her boyfriend sexted so often that some days she didn't get any work done at all. Luckily, she has a job that allows her to set her own schedule, but still, she began to wonder if her employer would catch on or her phone provider would penalize her for sending and receiving naked images.

Mary says she's vigilant about deleting images because she doesn't want her children, who are teenagers, to accidentally see them. Melanie says once her husband accidentally sent a PG-13-rated sext to a friend of theirs, but luckily there was not a picture attached and it just became a big joke between them.

However, any time someone takes / sends a nude photo of themselves they have to be aware of the possibility of phone hacking. This happened to many Hollywood stars, including actress Scarlet Johansson this past September. Photos of Johansson's behind were leaked on the Internet, supposedly stolen from her phone.

"I'm not worried about this. Who wants to see naked photos of me other than my boyfriend, anyway?" says Mary.

But despite potential risks, neither Melanie nor Mary are going to stop sexting.

"It's a huge sense of sexual freedom. It's in the moment, you both feel desired, sexy. You're thinking of each other during the day or night when you can't be together," Mary says.

Tanya (last name withheld), who lives on the East Side, says sexting is the most exciting aspect of her relationship and that it allows for more physical interaction and less emotional messiness for her lighthearted relationship.

"We would never work as partners – we were trying the friends with benefits thing – but the emotions following sex got too complicated. I realized that what I like best about our relationship is the idea that this person is out there wanting me, and the possibility that we could get together," says Tanya.

Michael (last name withheld) is 28 years old and he says sexting is a part of a screening process before committing to spending time with someone in person.

"When I meet someone online or at the bar or whatever, I want to know what she's all about both intellectually and physically," he says. "I can then decide if I want to get with her for real or not."

When interested in a girl, Michael says he usually takes a new photo of himself without a shirt on in the bathroom mirror. Then he asks her to do the same, at first, wearing undergarments, but then without. He promises never to share the photos and says that he might show one occasionally to a friend, but he never forwards them or posts them anywhere.

"If a girl really wants me to delete it, I will," he says.

If the relationship moves beyond the topless photo stage, then Michael says sexting remains an active part of the relationship. He likes to send and receive sexy photos and messages throughout the day to spice up his school and work responsibilities.

"If I'm busting ass, studying for an exam, I like getting a text from a girl saying she's gonna give me (oral sex) later," he says. "It keeps me going."