Sexual assault against women is absolutely a timely topic for discussion, and it’s absolutely no joking matter.

That’s why I’m so surprised at "Extremities," the play by William Mastrosimone that The Umbrella Group opened over the weekend.

For a serious topic, this play was almost a joke. In fact, I found myself laughing out loud in the second act, much to the consternation of several people in the audience.

The production was co-sponsored by The Healing Center, an Aurora Health Care facility that helps the victims of sexual abuse. If I was from The Healing Center, I’d run the other way as fast as I could.

The first hint of the incredible – and I mean that in a literal sense – stuff coming our way arrives in the opening moments, when Marjorie (Ashlea Woodley) is seen walking around her house with a short green silk robe covering a fetching charmeuse.

Moments after killing a wasp that was plaguing a plant, Raul (Marcus Beyer) just walks through her door. He’s looking for someone named Joe who, Marjorie insists, never ever lived here.

From the moment he walks through the door, it is just a breath away to his physical assault of Marjorie. It’s a particularly violent event and ends only when Marjorie grabs her bug spray and unleashes it into his face and mouth.

When we next see these antagonists, Marjorie is looking sweaty and shambled, and Raul is tied up with an extension cord and other household items, squeezed into the fireplace and guarded by the fireplace screen and her bike which is on a bike trainer.

Marjorie parades around as her anger builds and builds. We are soon joined by one roommate, Terry (Abbey Sours), and then by the other, Patricia (Katlin Drew).

What ensues is the most confusing and irrelevant kind of conversation. Among the dilemmas these women find they must deal with are the following:

Waiting for water to boil in the teapot so Marjorie can throw it on Raul; getting the matches to light so she can ignite the gasoline she poured on him (she later admits it was just ammonia); Terry can’t stay home with Marjorie the next day because she doesn’t have any sick days left; Patricia can’t stay home because she has a staff meeting; how come the roast beef they drag out of the kitchen is so dry; how can they get the antidote to the bug spray that Patricia worries may kill Raul; calming Terry, who is increasingly concerned about getting charged with "Complicity," which isn't technically a law one can be charged with (she's thinking of being charged as an accessory); will Marjorie let Patricia feed Raul some bread to hopefully absorb the poison; where are they going to get money for the antidote at the drugstore, and who’s going to go get it; and why did Patricia put butter on the bread she eventually fed to Raul.

Above all of this ridiculousness we are forced to wonder, how come Raul doesn’t seem all that afraid? He’s preachy and tries to be evil and threatening, but he really just comes off as your neighborhood rapist who isn’t very worried about being tied up and stuffed into a fireplace.

Maybe this play had some kind of actual relevance when it was written over 30 years ago. But now it is so fanciful as to be almost unbelievable, and it got absolutely no help from this company. We have both overacting and underacting on display. Woodley is so over the top that her transition from aggrieved and ravaged victim to comforting nurse at the end seems like a journey a step too far.

I always try to find something positive to say in even the most negative of reviews, and I've got one here. 

The Diet Coke from the vending machine is nice and cold.

"Extremities" runs through May 23 and information on showtimes and tickets is available here.