Move over Joe DiMaggio. There's a new champ in the "ultimate sports cheapskate" division, and it's the NFL.

Try to follow the logic on this one. The NFL, unhappy that its refs are "only" 98 percent correct on their own, decide to implement an expensive and clumsy instant replay system to close that gap by 1 percent, improving it to 99 percent accuracy. The system costs more than $1 million per year to operate, plus more when you factor in start up costs and R&D. Note, this expenditure does not ensure 100 percent officiating accuracy, since so many calls are judgement based. Further, there's always the dreaded "whistle had already blown" excuse to let horrific calls go uncorrected.

Now the other 98 percent of the officiating equation needs to be addressed with a new contract for the flesh and blood humans who make order out of what is our beloved Sunday chaos. And you would think that the league would spend just a bit on this part as well. You would be wrong.

The NFL doesn't want to pay its refs roughly what the three other "major" sports do. Part of their logic is that it would amount to a 400 percent raise, and that's outrageous. Who asks for and gets such a raise, the owners say? Well, it happens. Especially when someone has been terribly underpaid for a long time.

So the NFL refs don't work as long a season as MLB or the NBA. So? Do the networks tell the NFL that they shouldn't be the most lucrative and sought after professional sports league on TV because they play the shortest season? No. People with unique skills that are hard to replace, get paid well. Viva capitalism.

Besides, these guys don't need the gig. Oh sure, they like it. But they won't be like Eric Gregg judging chicken eating contests while waiting for the phone to ring. Guys like Dick Hantak and Ed Hochuli are very successful attorneys and insurance agents in their real lives. Their kids won't starve. Their financial pain threshold from losing your piddling $3,000 per week in season is almost non-existent.

Heck, maybe if the lockout plods on through the year, five or six refs might decide they like involuntary retirement anyway. The money wasn't fabulous, and it was nice to have weekends in the fall with the family. They stay retired once your regulars return, and now your officiating ranks are that much weaker.

You think scab refs are going to be acceptable? Hah! Hold on to your hats, because it's all good laughs until someone like Peyton Manning gets dumped on his head on a late hit that "Joe College" zebra didn't see. Or when "Johnny Pac-10" makes a series of holding calls that make no sense and can't be corrected by all the league's fancy VCR's.

Safety and judgement aside, just knowing the rules is going to be a struggle for the college zebras. Pro rules vary in so many ways from college, you can't just cheat sheet your way to knowing them cold in a week. What happens when a ball is picked off, but there's offensive pass interference followed by an illegal block on the return? And let's just say for fun, that the player winds up fumbling the ball forward through the end zone?

When this happens (and it does all the time), go get a sandwich. Or better yet, a Snickers. Because you're not going anywhere for a while, and you'll see more head scratching in the zebra huddle than at a dandruff clinic.

Think of all the Division II, Division III, NAIA, Junior College, and H.S. refs who are not even good enough for major college ball. Then think about Colorado getting five downs against Missouri. These are the next best guys to NFL refs? Be afraid, be very afraid.

Only a fool would skimp on the very men who protect the integrity of his sport. Or in this case, a ship of fools led by a commissioner who can't see that squashing this union is not worth his time. Besides, the money can be made up with little more than a few extra corporate tents at the Super Bowl.

Running some quick math, you could give the 120 NFL refs a 300 percent across-the-board raise tomorrow, and it'll still only cost you about $500,000 per team. Offer just a raise of 150 percent and the deal gets signed in a matter of days.

This is like a corporate executive ruining a $100 tie while reaching arm deep into a sewer grate to fish out a quarter. But maybe when you are the undisputed king of the sports league heap, you have the luxury of doing silly, stupid and pointless things that don't add a thing to your core business. This is one of them.

Memo to the NFL: You had a great deal going with the refs for a long time. But it's over. Write the check, and go back to being the King.