Despite the fact that the divorce rate was holding firm long before the economy took a crap on us, the recession is being blamed for a lot of floundering relationships.
It's no secret that when times are tough, bills are piling up and one or more of the parties in a relationship fear being laid off, a relationship can suffer because we are so preoccupied with keeping our heads above water.
At the same time, the economic uncertainty may be keeping couples together because lack of financial flexibility may limit freedom.
It's a complex issue, but these are complex times.
If you're the employed half of a relationship, you may begin to resent the fact that although there is nothing all that glamorous about cashing unemployment checks, you just spent a full day at work while you're significant other may not have changed out of their pajamas until 6 p.m., if at all. You no longer have the back and forth comparisons of bad days or good, obnoxious boss stories to compare or the same feeling at the end of a long work week.
When you're the one unemployed, it can be even harder than being the one at work all day because in times like these, whether you are qualified or not, the options simply aren't there. It's easy to begin to feel like a burden to the other person or even ashamed and unwanted. It's easy to let the mundane day-to-day get to you and become depressed at the lack of prospects. While the day of your partner may fly by, you've had nothing to do but sit, think, send out more resumes for jobs you're overqualified for and lose yourself in books or television to avoid the reality of your own situation. It's tempting to watch the screwed-up lives of those on daytime television to make you feel better about yourself, but beware, it's an easy addiction.
If you're in a serious relationship, or you're either living together or married, my suggestion to the unemployed would be this: show your great appreciation for the one bringing home the much needed bacon by keeping up with the things around the house. Do the laundry, clean, make dinner, become a temporary desperate housewife (or husband, as the case may be). Keep a schedule and wake up when your significant other does, sleeping until noon and getting nothing accomplished will only add to your feelings of self-doubt. Plus, when you do land a job it will be that much harder to get your body back on track.
Get what you need done such as sending out resumes and touching base with call backs. Keep up with current events, it's useful in interviews and you'll have something relevant to discuss over dinner when your employed someone comes home. All of this will not only keep your mind and body busy, but it will show your hardworking honey that you may be down, but you're in no way out and that you want to make their life easier by stepping up at home while they slave away at their desk.
Free time is a great time to exercise. Even if you just go out for a walk, getting out and moving will allow you time to sweat out your worries and get you refocused. It's a fact that physical exercise can help ward off feelings of depression. Plus there is nothing like kickboxing the hell out of something to make you feel better about damn near anything. And speaking of getting sweaty...
However, don't let your sex life go the way of the housing market. If you're out there and you're doing what you can to improve your situation, you're significant other will recognize that and unless they've been living under a rock for the past four years they will also recognize that you're far from the only one in this situation.
The good news is sex in most cases is recession proof. It's free and if you let it, it can make you happy despite what you may be going through outside of your relationship. Now is not the time to lose faith in the turn around of our economy or the power of a strong bond. Blind faith is not what I'm suggesting, but unless you believe something can happen there is little point in working towards that result.
It is the time to find what it is that you want out of life, love and career. If you were miserable at your last place of employment perhaps this isn't the time to be sending out your resume just to end up in the same position three months later. If you have the option, go back to school and find something that makes you happy in the long term or, if the jobs aren't biting, try volunteering for a while. If you're lucky enough to have someone support you emotionally or even financially during this time, do not make the mistake of taking it for granted. If you're not currently in a relationship, take solace in good friendships and the knowledge that though sex may be recession-proof, few of us are and though it may feel like it from time to time, you are far from alone.
Some other good news, according to Cosmo -- since so many of us couldn't afford a beach vacation the past couple years, shark attacks are way down... I guess that's one way to look on the bright side.
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.
