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Nice guys are the ones that offer to help you move, help you with your trig homework and offer to be your designated driver after your loser boyfriend ditches you at a party.
No matter what, nice guys always seem to be there when you need them.
Nice guys are also the ones that have to hear the crushing words, "I just don't think of you like that ... you're more like my best friend, or my brother;" usually from the mouth of a girl they've been madly in love with since seventh grade.
Meanwhile we women are stuck in a clichéd '80s movie, jumping on the back on some greasy-haired jerk's motorcycle and driving off into the sunset. OK, that may be an exaggeration, but honestly ladies, what is it about guys that treat us badly that always has us coming back for more, when all the while we've got the nice guy wrapped around our little finger?
I asked around about this topic because I wasn't sure if I was basing my conclusion solely on my own experience or if this theory really holds water.
Do nice guys really finish last? And more importantly, why?
I asked my close friend Ryan where he thought nice guys fell into the spectrum and he didn't hesitate with his response.
"Absolutely nice guys finish last," Ryan said. "When I was in college, if I liked a girl, I immediately started treating her like crap, and it always worked."
Well, that's lovely.
Another friend and certified "nice guy," Anthony, had this to say: "I've been told by more than one guy that they only had success with women once they stopped acting like a nice guy and more like an ass. Women seem to often fit the stereotype of being drawn to a**holes."
So, college-aged men follow the same philosophy of flirting as middle school kids, and worse yet, women fall for it ... hook, line and sinker. The dark mystery of a guy we can't seem to get close to is overwhelmingly attractive and yet the guy who just wants to hold our hand makes us want to scream and run for the hills.
As much as this fact makes me want to be annoyed with men, I cant, because they are just using what they've learned is a sure thing women spend a great deal of their time in high school and college reinforcing that belief.
It's scary, but nonetheless true. I'm certainly guilty of it. My father once said to me, "You have a real fondness for a**holes." And though hearing those words didn't deter my masochistic behavior towards guys in the least, they stuck with me because I realized it was true.
I think women do fall for the bad boys; the guys that seem like they'd be a challenge, but I also think that kind of behavior gets old quickly as we grow up and get tired of the chase. When other things in life start to interest us, career, family, etc., it seems as though we give up the drama for something much better and the women I asked, despite their own previous actions, agreed:
"From personal experience I can definitely say I went for the bad boys for a long time but at some point when faced with the choice between a bad boy and a sweet guy I knew I could trust and rely on, I chose the guy I could trust and rely on, the guy who treated me so much better" -- Kristan
"Bad boys give the impression of protection. I wanted that. But then I got older and my needs changed." -- Jane
"I'd say nice guys definitely do finish last, especially in their 20s and early 30s when girls aren't panicked to settle down and get married and have the time and energy to chase those arrogant a-holes that they can't get." -- Brooke
"In high school it seemed like the guys that treated me well finished last. Now that I'm in my late 20s I'm so effed up that I don't know what to think, but I do believe as women get older, they are more aware of what they want in the long term." -- Marin
So many women want it both ways. We want to marry the guy who we know will be a good husband and father, someone we can trust and that will be there to support us in good times and in bad. After all that's what the vows say.
On the flip side, we also want the guy who is passionate, strong-willed and still makes our stomach fill with butterflies with a forceful and unexpected kiss. We like bad boys because we think they will protect us. We think they are passionate, physical, strong and they drive our parents crazy. But when we realize that the bad boys are also jerks that never show up on time and cant be trusted with the grocery list -- let alone small children -- and most importantly, that they will never change, we start to understand what's really important and we start to look elsewhere.
We want someone who can save us when we need saving and someone who respects us enough to recognize when we can save ourselves.
Not all of us grow out of being or wanting jerks. Some grown women that should know better still swoon to the cocky pricks at the bar, but I think, all in all, that there is an age-limit and maturity level that excludes those people from our lives. That's my hope anyway.
We fall for jerks and ignore the nice guys in our teens and 20s because we need to get that out of our systems before real life begins.
Of course that's just about the time the nice guys that have been in love with us forever move on, as well, and who can blame them?
**As a follow up note to an earlier topic, Texas polygamist sect leader Raymond Jessop was convicted of sexually assaulting an underage girl and this week was sentenced to 10 years in prison and ordered to pay an $8,000 fine. Here's wishing Jessop lots of luck during his stay in the Texas prison system.
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.
