We've heard the stories before. A band has its "final tour" before disbanding, and lo and behold, in however many years it takes for the money to run out, the band is back together on a "reunion tour."

In fact, I don't think you're a proper rock band unless you've broken up, reunited, re-broken up and fired the bass player a minimum of five times (the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame must have been very drunk when they made that bylaw).

That being said, Mötley Crüe seems to be taking the whole "calling it quits" thing pretty seriously. After three decades, the legendary '80s hair metal rockers announced their final tour and retirement this afternoon in Los Angeles – "the biggest announcement of their careers," according to the band's website – complete with a formally signed Cessation Of Touring Agreement, which I've just learned is a thing. 

While that's certainly sad news for any Mötley Crüe fans out there, there is a silver lining to it all. As a part of the final go-around, the Crüe is making a stop in Milwaukee to kickstart Summerfest's heart. 

The rockers will headline the Marcus Amphitheater stage on the Fourth of July. Along for the ride is their very special guest Alice Cooper because, well, obviously. 

Tickets for the show go on sale Friday, Jan. 31, starting at 10 a.m. and include admission to Summerfest. They can be purchased at the Summerfest box office, Walmart stores and various Ticketmaster outlets (online, phone or at a ticketing center).

Mötley Crüe joins Bruno Mars, Lady Gaga, Dave Matthews Band and Zac Brown Band as Summerfest's list of 2014 headliners – or, as I've been calling them, irrelevant-to-me options. None of these choices do much for me so far. If I had to choose one, I'd probably pick Lady Gaga for the sheer spectacle factor. 

That's not meant as a slight at Summerfest. It's pretty much tradition to scoff at a music festival's lineup, no matter the quality. Plus, unlike Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo or other similar festivals, Summerfest is playing toward a massive broad audience of different tastes, ages and preferences.

I see what they're doing – getting a whole smorgasbord of genres into the big house – and all of these musicians are good gets for the festival. They're just not to my taste. But I know they'll be announcing plenty of more good stuff down my alley nice and cheap on the free stages (come on, CHVRCHES; I will bribe you if need be!). 

Anyways, back to the Crüe. After signing their cessation agreement, Mötley Crüe heads to Jimmy Kimmel tonight to perform, celebrate a last hurrah and maybe reminisce about the good old days with some legendary tales of drunken debauchery. Then it's on the road for two years before Vince Neil, Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee and Mick Mars split apart, never to perform on stage together ever again.

Probably.