It’s been a little over two months since I celebrated Opening Day by trying as many of the new Miller Park food options as possible before my enraged digestive system decided to punch its way out of my body in the hopes of seeking out a more respectful owner. Other than a resulting junk food coma and the Brewers’ foreboding 10-0 loss to the Rockies, it went fairly well, and now that my cholesterol levels have settled back down to the point that my doctor doesn’t have a panic attack looking at them, it’s time to finish my mission. There are still giant brats and ham doughnuts to be nommed (and a cellar-dwelling baseball team to blissfully ignore).

There’s something new this time around, however. As a great man once said, what good are heart palpitations if you can’t share them with somebody, so OnMilwaukee.com managing editor and brave soul Bobby Tanzilo has offered to join me on my quest. Here’s a transcript of our adventures.

Bobby: Having only participated in part two of this exploration of new foods at Miller Park, I give you mad props, Matt, for having done two of these. It’s fun, but not always easy work.

Matt: The shame you feel for such gluttony is only matched by a burning feeling of professional pride in your heart. Or at least I sure hope that sensation is pride. Uh oh.

Bobby: I have to say, of the things we tried, everything was pretty good, but only one thing really knocked my socks off, and that was the banana Nutella ice cream donut sandwich at Holey Moley. That was both amazing and sinful.

Every aspect of it was pretty delicious: the donut, the ice cream and what every Parisian will tell you is an amazing flavor combo: banana and Nutella. Save for the fact that it consists of nearly 100 percent sugar, it was big enough to be a meal. But that’s surely not recommended by anyone. Buy it with a friend or two and share.

You tried another one of those ice cream sandwiches on Opening Day, didn’t you?

Matt: I did! I got the Goober Jobber, which was basically an ice cream Take 5 bar shoved into a doughnut. And it was delicious! I’m glad we agree. It’s certainly a sugar bomb, but it really delivers on everything you would hope for from a loaded ice cream doughnut sandwich. It’s a mix of sweet and salty, warm and cold, chew and crunch. It’s so far easily been my favorite of the new food items here at Miller Park – and the one most likely to cause my dentist to question if there is a God.

Bobby: Hospitality Democracy’s got a pretty big presence all of a sudden at Miller Park, with Holey Moley, and with Smoke Shack sharing space with AJ Bombers, too. And they brought the donuts, over, too.

Speaking of which, I preferred the ham on donut to the barbecue sandwich. It was bit more moist. But, really, while both were good, neither one rocked my world. I’d eat either one again, but I won’t really bee-line for either.

Matt: I agree on un-rocked state of my world. Maybe it’s admittedly because, between traveling to Dallas, St. Louis, Kansas City and Nashville in the last decade, I’ve gotten a pretty wondrous tour of some of the best barbecue in the country, and it’s simply hard to compete. Don’t get me wrong; Smoke Shack’s Miller Park barbecue was solid and tasty. I wouldn’t turn it down, as barbecue always satisfies on some deep, animalistic level, but this wouldn’t make my mental top ten list either. The meat was a little dry, and without the adding sauce, it wasn’t hugely flavorful.

I’m with you that the ham-stuffed doughnut was probably my favorite between the two, but the mashing together of doughnut and barbecue doesn’t end up being greater than the sum of its parts. Two plus two just equals four here, which is fine ...but you kind of expect a ham-filled doughnut to be an explosion of flavor and culinary revelation. And it just ends up being a doughnut with ham.

Bobby: When I went back to the stadium, I went to the Smoke Shack/AJ Bombers area, but I opted for a burger. Though the wait was interminable – that stuff’s in demand so the line was long – the burger was great.

Matt: I’ll have to give that a shot! As for the barbecue, it’s a bit like that famous pizza quote: Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. And once again, this is good, just not great. But now it’s time for the main event: the 18-inch bratwurst, coined the Down Wisconsin Avenue brat by Miller Park and the Brat-pocalypse by yours truly. How’d this brat-strosity go for you?

Bobby: Well, I was disappointed that it wasn’t a single 18-inch brat, but actually two brats laid end to end in a long bun. Maybe that shouldn’t matter, but I felt like it kind of wrecked the presentation. And, I admit, seeing the stadium golf cart ambulance parked in front of the vendor made me chuckle nervously.

Matt: When we walked up to the stand down the third base line and saw the coiled up sausages on the grill, I got so excited. And then, like a Brewer fan watching this season play out, I quickly deflated. Instead of eating one massive monster brat, it’s just really eating two brats covered in stuff … and I’ve eaten two brats in a sitting before. That’s not all that special. Still, let’s get to the meat of the matter: How was the brat for you?

Bobby: The brat itself was good, and the toppings were ok, but honestly, I’d enjoy it more with mustard and sauerkraut, and I really don’t need two brats – even when I might mistakenly think I do. Oh, and remember, folks, if you buy it, don’t set it down. I did that to grab some napkins, and the entire thing tilted to one side and toppled over, dumping off the toppings. Word of advice there, for you.

Matt: Watching that thing topple over after we set it down was horrifying. Life went into slow motion. A tear went down my cheek. I heard Enya playing in the background. None of this is hyperbole.

Anyways, I agree; the brat(s) were good! The bread was a little thick and dense for my taste – when trying to eat the whole thing by yourself, I found that to be the biggest obstacle – but that’s to be expected when the bread’s job is to hold so much stuff together. The brat itself was meaty and satisfying, the curds were chewy and tasty, and I think the secret weapon on this Brat-zilla is the thin potato fries showered over the whole thing. It added a really surprising and tasty firm crunch to the brat that you don’t normally get. It’s a fine brat, but it’s mostly just exceptional for its size. It’s mesmerizing, horrifying size (with the mesmerizing, horrifying price of $20 to match).

Bobby: You went back to try eating the whole thing on one go, didn’t you?

Matt: Against the wishes of my concerned friends and family, as well as a team of doctors, that’s exactly what I did. After all, this is only 18 inches, and I almost completely tackled two feet of Korean beef on a bun while at a Texas Rangers game last summer. Unfortunately, I was only able to get through about 75 percent of the Brat-mageddon. I did, however, get a complete serving of guilt and shame afterwards though.