Good morning, children

Today's fable is the story of The King, his cohorts, his enemies and the Seven Deadly Sins. The Seven Deadly Sins are also known as the Capital Vices.

Pride is the first deadly sin. King James held court, inviting lesser mortals to visit his castle and he made them beg for his services. The Decision was sent to all corners of the kingdom by heralds carrying banners reading ESPN. The King announced his decision with the following phrase: "I am taking my talents to South Beach." Then the King said, "I feel great now. The fans and this organization have put me back in a family-oriented place."

Calling South Beach a family-oriented place is like calling Sarah Palin a leading candidate for Mensa.

Greed is the second deadly sin. King James and his two favored cohorts, Sir Dwyane and Sir Chris, decided that by marshaling their forces they could vanquish all battlefield enemies with ease. They knew that doing so would put them in line for untold riches and praise. They may have forgotten that battles are still fought with only one cannonball. But these three warriors drooled so over their suits and bling, that they seemed like Doberman at a raw meat table.

Gluttony is the third deadly sin. The masses gathered around the heralds expressed unending gluttony to witness every soft wind that wafted through the courting of the King. The masses hung on every word, rumor or truth, and had an insatiable hunger for the silliness of it all. While the kingdom was starved for solutions to its many serious problems the overwhelming attention paid to King James was gluttony on its face.

Wrath is the fourth deadly sin. Lord Daniel of Gilbert, spurned by the King, unleashed a torrent of vitriol that is unmatched in the history of the League of National Players of Basketball. In one shining missive he proved just how petty and vicious a Lord could be.

His words were cruel and hurtful and showed that beneath his armor lurked a craven villain capable of the most unspeakable kind of bitterness. In his proclamation, Lord Daniel called The King, "a narcissistic self-promoter," "a coward," "a betrayer," "heartless," and "callous." The fact that Lord Daniel of Gilbert was right does not mitigate the level of his wrath.

Envy is the fifth deadly sin. Those who have sinned thusly are the citizen soldiers of parishes in New York, New Jersey, Chicago, and most of all, Cleveland. All were spurned by The King after the submission of untold blandishment. The most grievous of envy belonged to the citizens of Cleveland who took to the streets and drinking establishments with fire to burn all reference to The King. The envy was overwhelming as they licked their wounds and slunk away into the darkness.

Lust is the sixth deadly sin. This one belongs to everybody who wanted too much, too soon, too easily. King James, Sir Dwayne and Sir Chris, Master Pat of Riley, All Owners and Masters from the parishes Chicago, New York, New Jersey and Cleveland, the mother of King James, the heralds of ESPN, the makers of energy drinks and shoes, the tenders of bar in South Beach, the members of the Inner Circle all wore the cloak of lust. And everyone else you can think of, too.

Sloth is the seventh deadly sin. I think sloth was absent from this fable.

There you have it children. A modern day fable of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Oh, one more thing.

"The Decision" that was carried by the heralds of ESPN ranked as the third most-watched announcement this year. It finished behind the Pro Bowl and an episode of "iCarly" on Nickelodeon.

Those who did not watch are the winners in this thing.