{image1} Having graduated from Marquette with plenty of stage experience, Julia Gilling has also acted in a number of plays on bigger stages in Milwaukee. She's appeared in productions at Theater X, Milwaukee Chamber Theater and Boulevard Theater Ensemble, to name a few, and is now appearing in Boulevard's "Twelfth Night" (through Jan. 9). She spoke with OnMilwaukee.com about life, the stage and her feelings as a departing Milwaukee resident.
OMC: "Twelfth Night," at the Boulevard Theater, for some of us is like doing Shakespeare in a closet. What's it like performing just a few inches from the nearest audience member?
JG: I think that's probably the most difficult part. Because they're in you're space. Their legs are out here and they don't really think about the fact that you're trying to create this world. And there's a fourth wall, but yet there's not really a fourth wall because they're constantly giving you so much.
OMC: Does that change the way you conceive the character?
JG: I think so. As a character, then, you have to be much more open and susceptible to the energy that's given to you. But at the same time, you can't be too susceptible, because otherwise you're just reacting to them and not creating anything specifically to yourself.
OMC: You've performed modern and Shakespeare, other people's stuff and your own stuff. What's the difference between doing someone else's material and stuff that you've written yourself?
JG: Performance-wise, I think it's almost easier to do your own stuff because you know the motivation behind it. You know why it was created. I have to say that I really enjoy the creation part, but I don't know if I really enjoy acting my own creation.
OMC: And exactly why is that?
JG: When you put it on somebody else, you can see where your flaws are. When you put it on yourself, it's much more difficult to be like, "OK, what am I not getting? What needs to be fleshed out? What needs to be kind of ... fluffed, excessed, stressed?" It's that larger picture that you really can't see because it's your baby. And plus, it's you -- yourself acting, you don't want to think, "I suck, what am I doing?"
OMC: As far as the actual performance goes, what's the connection with the audience like? How is it different from doing someone else's stuff?
JG: When it's your own stuff, I don't feel a problem changing it. So, when I change it, it's like, "What am I really doing here? What is the purpose of this?" But when it's somebody else's stuff, it's that respect you have for the other person NOT to change something, and so you really have to figure out the intentions of why you're doing it.
OMC: Have you done improv before?
JG: Yeah, in college I was part of the "Studio 13 Refugees." It was a comedy improv group. We performed once every two months. We had this two-hour show and it was really fun. And it was good to work on your feet that way. And I think that's probably where I get the ease with changing things. But I don't think that that is always the best option.
OMC: That gets into the question of how exactly you're connecting with the audience. What, for you is the most important part of that connection?
JG: Probably the emotional intention ... and second (most important) would be the beauty of the language. Mark (Bucher who directed "Twelfth Night") is always yelling at me because he's like, "It's not poetry, its words and words are said, they're not said with this lyrical emphasis." And I'm like, "But Mark, it's so beautiful!"
My degree at Marquette was performance art, English literature and dance. I grew up reading and reading and reading. It's the emotional intention behind the words -- the fact that you can really bring these words alive. But it's the fact that they were written in such a beautiful way that you have the opportunity to bring them alive. So, if you can portray that intention to an audience and they can understand how great an art this is and you can transform them from just sitting there and being, like, "Blah," into "wow," this is what I've learned?
OMC: Do you ever find that your intentions are very in conflict with your perceived intentions of the author of a piece?
JG: Well, modern works? Yes. Like, I did (David Mamet's) "Sexual Perversity in Chicago" ...
OMC: Which for a Catholic ...?
JG: (laughs) ... yeah, it was a little stressful. It's really not the beauty of the language there.
OMC: Although, there is a beauty to Mamet's language...
JG: Well yeah, but it's the beauty of the language ... in shock value ... Mamet doesn't create (the) language that Shakespeare does. There is duplicity (in Mamet's work) in some sense, but not to the extent that other writers have, such as Tennessee Williams. So that when I did "Sexual Perversity in Chicago," they said, "Hey Julia, where is your earthiness? Bring that out!" And so I had to really struggle and be like, "OK, there's beauty in the fact that this language that they use is so emotionally grounded and earthy."
And so there's not necessarily the poetry, but there's the beauty of that to show people. There was definitely a conflict there. And I had to sit down and figure out why I was doing this? If I can only do Shakespeare, then I'm going to have a very limited career. It was difficult.
OMC: Are there roles you would have difficulty auditioning for?
JG: I don't think so. I've played everything from a prostitute to a Southern unwed mother to Shakespeare's high heroines. I think everything is challenging. I was scared when Mark (Bucher) offered me Viola. I thought, "Oh no! How can I do this? What the hell?" But I think that's a good sign. Because if I'm not scared usually that means that I'm not really interested. And a challenge always brings about the most effort, I think. When you don't think you're completely up to the task, you really tend to delve in that much deeper to make sure that you know that you get there.
OMC: So effort equates with quality for you?
JG: For me, yes. I know that there's been parts that I've played where I haven't necessarily felt like I was challenged and then I had to personally challenge myself in order to get better quality -- to really flesh-out what I was doing.
OMC: What do you think Viola thinks of you?
JG: I think she'd probably like me.
OMC: How is the dialogue between you and her?
JG: We're doing pretty good. I've had a difficult time pretending to be a man. I don't think I'm very manly in any shape, sense or form. But it's been fun to find out how in female characteristics one can try to manipulate that to disguise itself. You know -- what about me makes me feminine? What about me does not scream, "I am a man." That's been difficult.
But I think for the most part Viola and I get along because she's such an immensely creative person. She's always thinking, she's always moving, which makes it easier for me because I have those tendencies to do that; I'm never still for very long. As you can see, I fidget all the time.
OMC: Have you gotten into any really good arguments with her?
JG: Yeah. I don't know how she could move from mourning the loss of her brother to moving on to love and fully be committed to this love. I don't see that. And it's been difficult to get there. The second thing is that I have a really hard time with stupidity. The man that Viola loves is difficult. He doesn't catch on, and I'm teaching a lesson. Viola is all about teaching and letting them know what true love is, because she thinks that she knows it, and I think she does, too.
OMC: And you don't feel as though she's being false about that.
JG: I don't. I just don't know how she does it.
OMC: Right after the loss of her brother.
JG: I mean, if I would lose my brother, I would be done for. For at least ... a year. Two minutes later she's off. And there's some tension in figuring out how she does that. And there's some tension in who she falls in love with. He is a wonderful man in certain aspects, but so incredibly inane in others, in understanding what love is and understanding what contact with another person is, that is of worth and of value. We've been jostling with that.
OMC: You don't find yourself attracted to the character that Viola's attracted to?
JG: I don't. I'll be honest.
OMC: You as an actress don't see what she sees in him as a character?
JG: I don't, but I have to. I have to find it. Jake Russo who plays him is a wonderful man and a wonderful actor, but, for me personally as Julia, I don't find him irresistible. And plus I don't find Orsino (Viola's love interest) as irresistible. My husband is not ... he's not romantic in any sense of the form. He's almost completely opposite than I am. And I guess Orsino is just too much like me. There are parts of him that I see in me that I don't necessarily like. And why would I want that in a partner? And I have to find truth in that. Why would I fall in love with you? Because you are a good man. You are honest. You are heartfelt. You are saying what you believe at that moment. It may not necessarily be complete reality, but it's what you believe at that moment, so I have to grant you being this, I guess in a way in order to love you and accept you for who you are. And that's been a difficult journey.
OMC: Now, is this going to be your last production here in Milwaukee?
JG: Possibly. I was slated to do the Yates plays at Theater X ... but Theater X closed. John Schneider, who's a very good friend of mine, is still looking to produce it. And whether or not it will be performed at Bucketworks or whatever; that's up in the air. I told him that I would stay around to do this for him and then move out there (New York). It really doesn't matter where I am. My husband travels pretty much for an extensive six-month tour from January until June, so it doesn't matter whether or not I go out there then or in June.
OMC: But you ARE going out there.
JG: I am going out there, yes. My husband would be very mad if I didn't. (laughs)
OMC: What have you got against Milwaukee?
JG: Nothing, I love Milwaukee! Milwaukee has helped me so much. I've been able to work with great people, but when you want to get further, you can only rise so far in Milwaukee. If I go to New York and I give it my all and I have successes, my plan is to come back here once that phase of my life is over so that I can continue here.
My husband is a professional dancer and there's not much he can do here in Milwaukee besides ballet. And he is not ballet. He's six-foot-whatever and 180 pounds of pure muscle. You don't really see that flying across the stage in ballet very often. He can't get a job here, and so I have to follow him out of love. And he's so talented that wouldn't want to press him and say, "no, we're staying here."
There's so much here. I mean, the Boulevard has been so wonderful. It's hard for a young actress to really do things of consequence. It's such a risk to put someone so young and inexperienced in the grand scheme in these roles.
OMC: Having had experience in other creative mediums, why have you decided to channel yourself into acting?
JG: I think it's one of the fullest mediums, because it encompasses so much. You have elements of dance -- the whole choreography is basically a staged dance. It's how you move and where you move and when -- what you carry into your body. And then you have the language, which is poetry or prose or just vomit on a page sometimes. And then you have the physical intention of what you're doing, which is the emotion and what you carry into it. For me, it's the ultimate creative process to delve into. How much more creative can you get than making something from nothing?
OMC: It's not nothing, I mean, (what about) the author?
JG: (laughs) Yes, I don't mean to discredit the author.
OMC: Even Mamet?
JG: (laughs) Yeah, even Mamet, unfortunately. They've taken that creative process and they've dreamed it up and they've given it to you. It's now your responsibility to bring that to life. In a way it's a blank slate, there's nothing there, except the story. You can do them justice or you can not. And it's all up to you. If you can bring somebody else along with you, you've opened doors. I'm not looking to change somebody's life. I'm just looking to teach them that art and the creative process is a necessary medium of human existence. Creativity is not something to be lost. I think we lose it so much these days. It's all violence and video games, which I'm not a fan of either.
OMC: If you're teaching them, doesn't that imply less of a dialogue?
JG: I don't think so. I'm the oldest of six kids. My parents were middle class ... I basically raised my little brother. To teach, they have to be open to it. You have to open their eyes and make them aware that there is a desire to learn. Once you can open that door, you can gain trust. And there's this open connection between you. There is the share and love of what is being taught.
OMC: If you're teaching (on stage) does that not imply that the connection is one of control?
JG: Yeah. People have weird issues with control. I think the most control you can have is to open yourself up. I think the scariest thing about acting is that you're so vulnerable -- that you're willing to go these certain places that not many people go. That you're willing to expose the deepest parts of yourself to assume an identity and become a part of something else. That takes an immense amount of control. And in order to understand where the audience is coming from takes an immense amount of control. Control for me is not a bad thing in any sense. How can you arrive at something without structure? Even an abandonment of structure is a type of structure.
OMC: To a certain extent, you're manipulating the audience.
JG: Yes. Exactly. (laughs)
OMC: And this is perfectly OK with you.
JG: Yes! Exactly! Two people. They talk. Manipulation is simply allowing them to see your vision and you understanding their vision. There's no implication of negative unless that manipulation is for an ulterior, unhealthy thing.
