It's that special time of year. Indeed, 'tis the season for merriment, for gathering the family together … and for piling them into $24 movie theater seats and remain in silence while watching a big glowing screen for two hours and keep your weird uncle from talking politics with your college sophomore cousin. 

Luckily, Hollywood makes the process easy by dropping a whole bag of presents down the local cinema's chimney for us to unwrap and enjoy. There's even a gift from Hollywood to itself after a year of predictable flops and massive misfires, with a new "Star Wars" movie. And it has PORGS!

Good luck buying one of those for your youngest child this Christmas!

But most importantly, happy holidays, and enjoy – or ignore – the following movies with those you love ... and also a $7 fun size box of Milk Duds. 

Dec. 8

"The Disaster Artist"

Will one of the worst movies ever made turn into the inspiration for one of the best movies of the year? That sounds like the story of "The Disaster Artist," telling the true behind-the-scenes story of the making of "The Room," the most terrifically terrible movie of all time, in which shots are out of focus, boom mics drop into the frame, the plot is … well, there isn’t one, characters talk about getting cancer like getting a hangnail, one character gets recast for the final act with no explanation and the dramatic finale involves a man who writhes in erotic pain … after he’s already shot himself in the head.

And it’s incredible.

Now James Franco – in the lead role as the failed project’s French/Russian/Martian ringleader – Seth Rogen, Dave Franco, Zac Efron and more will bring this insane tribute to terribleness to the big screen, receiving raves from film festival goers throughout the year and even Oscar notices for Franco’s starring turn. It’s a guaranteed treat for fans of the infamous movie – and hopefully even more will join in the spoon-throwing fun after "The Disaster Artist" comes out in early December.

After all, considering the source material, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Verdict: NICE

"Just Getting Started"

There was a time when a movie starring Morgan Freeman, Rene Russo and Tommy Lee Jones, written and directed by the man behind "Bull Durham" (the greatest baseball movie of all time, I will hear no other arguments), would sound like a hit. That time, however, was probably in the ‘90s – and definitely before I saw the painfully unfunny trailer for this action comedy about two aged rivals – a former cop and a former mob lawyer – having to ward off a mob hit while flirting with all the ladies at their senior citizens home.

At least your grandma has a movie to look forward to this Christmas season.

Verdict: NAUGHTY

Dec. 15

"Star Wars: The Last Jedi"

Meh, you probably don’t care about this little indie picture. Moving on!

…

…

OK, fine, not that you need me to talk you into seeing "The Last Jedi." But even if were low on the new trilogy’s first entry and the rough-and-tumble "Rogue One," as well as lost confidence thanks to the combination of director Colin Trevorrow getting the boot from "Episode IX" (or thanks to hiring him in the first place) and the Han Solo solo movie turning into a PR nightmare, "The Last Jedi" looks incredible. In the few previews we’ve seen (Abrams may be gone, but the overall secrecy is still around), writer-director Rian Johnson seems to have created some gorgeous, bright and poppily new images for the series, and his past efforts ("Looper") only further stir my enthusiasm.

But what’s even more encouraging is Johnson’s future movies. Johnson and Lucasfilm recently announced that he will lead the way on a completely new trilogy of "Star Wars." No Skywalkers, no Death Stars, nothing you’ve seen before (or at least that’s the hope; ask "The Force Awakens" and "Rogue One" about the definition of "new"). If Disney is willing to give Johnson a whole new part of this galaxy to play with, they must really like what they’re seeing in "The Last Jedi." And so am I.

Because PORGS!

Verdict: NICE

"Ferdinand"

"The Last Jedi" may have scared most movies out of the holiday season, but if there’s one guaranteed "Star Wars"-proof genre, it’s an animated kids movie. Plus, what’s Christmas without a kids movie crazily packed with screaming sugar-rushing children and their exhausted parents?

This year’s animated offering is "Ferdinand," starring the voice of John Cena as a friendly bull that gets dragged off his lovely farm and into the fighting arena in Spain – as well as a China shop, because you don’t make an animated movie about a bull and not put him in a China shop. The trailers are selling a fairly conventional-looking kids movie, featuring the usual goofy antics and mice henchmen dancing to Pitbull, but I feel like there’s a sneakily interesting movie about nonviolence and finding yourself hiding under its typical kid jokes. Plus, with a charismatic talent like Cena at the lead, I’m feeling – ahem – bullish about the odds of "Ferdinand" being better than average. (I’ll see myself out.)

Verdict: NICE

"The Shape of Water"

It’s just another classic love story between a deaf woman and a fish monster being held captive in a 1950s commie-fearing secret U.S. military compound. Hollywood, always telling the same ol’ stories.

Guillermo del Toro’s ("Pan’s Labyrinth," "Pacific Rim") wildly imaginative mind is back at it again, telling a unique story rich of love for the movies, love for his oddball characters and love for gorgeous fantastical imagery. And others are clearly falling in love with this certainly unconventional love story as well, as critics have proclaimed their affection for "The Shape of Water" during film festivals over the year and Oscar voters look ready to put this picture in the running for several awards – including Best Actress for Sally Hawkins, Best Director for del Toro and even Best Picture.

You could say it’s shaping up to be a real winner this holiday season (I’m so sorry; I’ll honestly leave this time).

Verdict: NICE

Dec. 20

"Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle"

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, the best movie star we have working right now, and Kevin Hart reteaming after last summer’s surprisingly enjoyable "Central Intelligence"? With the charming Karen Gillan finally getting the big-screen work she deserves? And Jack Black playing a teenage girl trapped inside a dweeby scientist’s body and getting mauled by a hippopotamus? And a supporting cast featuring "Animal House" great Tim Matheson, Nick Jonas as a handsome jungle explorer and the great Rhys Darby of "Flight of the Conchords"? What’s not to like!?

I’ll tell you what: The original "Jumanji" ruined my life as an easily scared 7-year-old with a mom who thought the PG-rated adventure movie would be fine for him to watch. Fun fact: IT WASN’T. And now guess who’s still afraid of spiders, elephant stampedes and turning into a monkey while playing board games? I have no doubt "Welcome to the Jungle" will be good fun considering its clever 21st century plot tinkering and its entertaining cast, but it should’ve done that before it ruined a month of sleep for 7-year-old Matt. ZERO STARS, AND WHY YES, I AM A PETTY COWARD. 

Verdict: NAUGHTY

"The Greatest Showman"

I know we're all very excited for musicals now that "La La Land" showed that you can sell one to the public and win money and praise ... but the buzz on "The Greatest Showman" is that it might smother the musical fire before it even starts.

For one, it's helmed by Michael Gracey, a first-time director more experienced in visual effects work – which tends to result in some visually interesting but massive storytelling missteps. Not that a first-time director can't achieve great things – see Jordan Peele and Greta Gerwig, both potential Best Director nominees this year for their debuts – but a big, bombastic musical is a tough first entry. Then secondly, the story tells the feel-good, empowering and inspirational story of P.T. Barnum, who in real life was as big of a exploitative swindler as one of his famous big-top circus tents. And now he gets to speak words of wisdom to the downtrodden while played by the endlessly charismatic Hugh Jackman.

Barnum may have died over a century ago, but if "The Greatest Showman" has its way, it seems his audience-fooling ways are still alive and well. 

Verdict: NAUGHTY

Dec. 22

"All the Money in the World"

Can the on-screen drama of "All the Money in the World," telling the story of the real-life kidnapping of billionaire grandson J. Paul Getty, remotely compete with the off-screen drama? A month ago, Ridley Scott’s latest looked like a weird late-year one-off, an intriguing drama with a showy Kevin Spacey performance in thick makeup that clearly thought it was an Oscar player (but probably never was). Now, thanks to the outpouring of allegations, Spacey’s gone and been replaced by Christopher Plummer (using an actual old person to play an old person? CRAZY TALK!) … with just over a month to entirely reshoot the Spacey scenes. For those not familiar with the film industry, that’s actually bonkers.

It’s an insane challenge for Scott – who’s already released one movie this year with "Alien: Covenant" – and I’m not sure to what end; it’s still not particularly an Oscar play and it’s guaranteed to get spiked into the dirt at the box office by "The Last Jedi." Why not take the time, get it right and release it when "Star Wars" won’t be dominating the globe … so like next April?

It’s a fascinating story – and luckily, the ACTUAL story in "All the Money in the World" sounds pretty interesting too. It may not end up a great movie, but it’s certainly the season’s greatest curiosity.

Verdict: NICE

"Darkest Hour"

We’re currently anticipating one of the most interesting Oscar seasons in recent memory, with the moves toward diversity over the past years creating a drastically different (but still a work-in-progress) voting body than we’ve seen before – and therefore possibly some truly unexpected results come early 2018. But one thing never changes: Put an actor under a whole ton of makeup and give him an accent in a historical biopic, preferably taking place sometime during World War II, and you’ve got yourself an Oscar frontrunner.

See Joe Wright’s "Darkest Hour," a Winston Churchill biopic starring an unrecognizable Gary Oldman as the belovedly bellowing British prime minister during the early struggles of WWII. Ever since the first promo image came out, Oldman was pegged as the Best Actor winner – plus, he’s due – but according to the early reviews, the actual performance under all the makeup and tics is worth all of the acclaim. So mark him down for a win, leaving the only question: Will the entire movie live up to Oldman and give us dueling Dunkirks at the Oscars?

Verdict: NICE

"Downsizing"

Alexander Payne's latest is a first. For one, it's the writer-director's ("Sideways," "The Descendants") first trip into fantasy, telling a fable about struggling suburbanites (Matt Damon, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis and more) literally shrinking themselves down to live bigger lives. And secondly, it's the first time one of Payne's movies has opened with poor buzz following it. Usually Payne's projects are triumphs, with "The Descendants," "Nebraska" and more all scoring Oscar nominations and even a few wins. But "Downsizing" might have been a bit too big and too fantastical for this normally down-to-earth realist too big to get his hands around. Hopefully the buzz is just being overly harsh and there's more here than meets the eye.

Verdict: NAUGHTY

"Father Figures"

Every Christmas movie season, there’s one movie that embarrassedly tip-toes into theaters, just hoping to skirt into theaters as unnoticed as possible and wrangle up a respectable bit of cash during the busiest time of the year for cinemas and then never be heard from again. "The Darkest Hour," the Russian alien invasion movie? "Assassin’s Creed" or "Ninja Assassin" ring any bells?

So congratulations to "Father Figures" for scoring that depressing title for 2017. The movie was originally set to come out in early November ... last November, back when it was originally titled "Bastards" and the idea of casting Ed Helms in a lead role seemed like maybe not a terrible idea (remember "Vacation"?). One year later, the road trip comedy – about two brothers on the hunt for their biological father, who may be J.K. Simmons, Christopher Walken or ... Terry Bradshaw, what are you doing here? This isn't NFL on Fox postgame show!? – is finally hitting theaters. But I wouldn't expect it to stay too long. A long delay combined with a somewhat queasy preview and a Christmas burial tells me "Father Figures" might be one mother of a mess. 

Verdict: NAUGHTY

"Pitch Perfect 3"

I know telling Hollywood they shouldn't make a sequel to a movie as technically successful as "Pitch Perfect 2" is like trying to tell Donald Trump to take a break from Twitter, but "Pitch Perfect 3" shouldn't be happening. The last movie, while a box office blast, got a lukewarm reception – I liked it, but it's definitely got its problems – with the assumed new franchise star Hailee Steinfeld making a mild at best impact as the original stars (aka Anna Kendrick) seemed ready to bow out. 

But if there's one thing we've learned in 2017, it's you can never convince Hollywood an obviously bad idea is bad. So now we get "Pitch Perfect 3," which clunkily finds a new way to bring all the girls back together post-college for a USO Tour concert where people doubt their original musical abilities (which, wasn't that already a plot point?). Cue the no-longer-fresh Rebel Wilson banter, the clearly re-precorded singing sequences and ... the action scenes? And a whole arm stuck between a poor horse's Seabiscuits? What the heck is happening in this preview?!

I thought "Pitch Perfect 3" was a forced idea on paper. On the big screen, it looks like even more of a struggle. Here's to hoping the final product finds the right notes. 

Verdict: NAUGHTY

Dec. 25

"Molly’s Game"

A movie about the high-stakes world of underground poker games? What year is this, 2007? If I turn on ESPN during primetime hours, will I see Norman Chad and the guy from the old Potawatomi ads talking about bros wearing sunglasses indoors? Eh, better than 2017!

Poker may not be the sexiest topic for a bit of late season Oscar bait, but the rest of the deck for "Molly’s Game" – the true story of a … – looks stacked, from the terrific Jessica Chastain ("Zero Dark Thirty") getting yet another strong, meaty character to dig into to a sure-to-be-sensational script from Oscar-winning screenwriting savant Aaron Sorkin ("The Social Network"). Sorkin must really like this particular story, too, because he’s booked a very special first-time director for this project: Aaron Sorkin. Will his work behind the camera live up to his legendary work on the page? Hopefully it’s in the cards.

Verdict: NICE