Your mouth is dry. Your stomach is queasy. Your ears are ringing. Your joints ache and there are 100 little men with 100 little jackhammers trying to remodel your cerebral cortex from the inside.

As a sliver of sun blasts like a searchlight through a gap in the drapes, your mind drifts back to the previous evening's activities and you begin to realize that maybe the last cocktail of the previous evening was a bad idea.

Who are you kidding?

The last four or five cocktails of the previous evening were a mistake, and now you're running for mayor in Hangover City.

This is no way to start a new year, my friend. 

It just might be time for a prairie oyster.

I know. I'd never heard of it, either, until I saw an article about it recently in Details Magazine, which touted it as "the ultimate hangover remedy" which is "endorsed in many old bartending bibles."

The recipe sounds simple, but not exactly appetizing.

"Crack a fresh egg, strain out the white and drop the unbroken yolk into a shot glass. Add ½ tsp. of Worcestershire sauce, a dash of red wine vinegar and a dash of Tabasco. Swallow in one gulp."

There are probably as many hangover cures as there are ways to become hung over. Some people swear by aspirin, ice packs to the forehead and eggs Benedict. Others tout grape Gatorade, dry toast, cold pizza or bacon.

Medical experts say that water helps, since alcohol dehydrates the body, but there really is no sure-fire cure for the common hangover. Prevention is a good start, though. Mix a few glasses of water in as "spacers" during a heavy night. You might want to steer clear of shots (duh), and the colored liquors like whiskey, dark rum and tequila. The colored hard stuff contain cogeners, impurities that are part of the fermentation process and can take the form of methyl alcohol, aldehydes, histamine, tannins, iron, lead, cobalt and sulphites. (No wonder your head hurts).

Personally, I've always found that the best cure for a hangover is prevention. On the rare occasion that I do overindulge, I try to follow these steps: Plenty of water before bed; even more Gatorade in the morning; a warm, steamy shower; fresh clothes; fresh air; and, a task (preferably something physical) to keep me occupied for a few hours.

Julie Lawrence
Staff Writer

For some reason I am ridiculously prone to hangovers, but the strange thing is that they never seem in proportion to the amount I drink, or even which types of alcohol I consume. While I've been unsuccessful at preventing or predicting when a hangover will rear its ugly face - sometimes I'll get one from having a few beers at happy hour, while other unlikely times, say, New Year's Day, I'll wake up feeling great -- I have in fact discovered reliable ways to combat them.

As a general tip, I try to load up on B-complex vitamins, as that is what our body loses when we drink alcohol, but just as different illnesses call for different medicines, there are various levels of hangovers, each of which requires its own prescription for removal.

Level 1: You feel lethargic, but you can still function -- You're priority here is food: lots of it and immediately. Comet's breakfast burritos or Papa John's pizza are among two of my personal saviors. If you're feeling up to it, a Bloody Mary can taste great, but overdoing it can lead to headaches later in the day, so be sure to chase it with plenty of water. After a solid food base, take a shower (it unclogs the pores), get some fresh air and move around.

Level 2: Your head hurts and you're definitely regretting that last shot of Jameson -- What works for me at this stage is Excedrin and some Coke (the caffeine can sometimes relieve head pressure) or Gatorade. Water is obviously important, but sometimes chugging too much of it can make you feel sick. Start by getting some food in your stomach - avoid dairy and stick to carb-heavy stuff - and then start the re-hydration process. Cap it off with a day of movie watching.

Level 3: You're throwing up and you're practically bed-ridden -- If you can't keep water down, start with sips of white soda, and even though the idea of food sounds repulsive, try to nibble on crackers or something - it can do wonders. If you've been vomiting, you can't force much on your jumpy stomach and I've always found that apples are a great transition back into "real" food. Other than that, sleep is the best thing you can do for your body at this point. Good luck.

Molly Snyder Edler
Staff Writer

My hangover remedy requires proactive thinking. I try to drink at least two glasses of water while I'm out, then more water when I get home at the end of the night, followed by at least 8 hours of sleep. In the morning, I usually drink another glass of water with Emergen-C powder and if I can drag my sorry booty onto my treadmill, 20-30 minutes of mellow exercise to "sweat it out." 

Bobby Tanzilo
Managing Editor

Sleep, wake up, groan, pee, drink water, sleep, repeat until hangover is gone. It's not really a remedy, though, as much as a surrender.

Andy Tarnoff
Publisher

My hangover remedy doesn't work especially well (and the older I get, it works even less), but it's all I got. It's a simple recipe: Eat, sleep, hydrate and eat some more. Repeat as necessary.

The sleeping part is easy if it's on the weekend, but if not, I need to stuff my face with carbs, heavy foods and lots of coffee. That means a big breakfast (something with eggs, preferably), then lunch at Qdoba or Chipotle. After an afternoon nap and about a gallon of water or Gatorade, I'm usually back in serviceable condition.

By the way, this brilliant strategy was developed from the memorable line in Blazing Saddles: "A man drink like that and don't eat, he gonna die!" Answer: "When?"