There's a genre in film that needs to die now: the inspirational, feel-good British comedy. Last year's "Saving Grace" perfectly exemplified why this type of movie is repugnant and this year, "Greenfingers" does an even better job.
To briefly summarize, the story involves hardened criminals getting hooked on gardening and pretty flowers. They find friendship and redemption in the last place they expect to find it. If that's not enough to rev up your gag reflex, don't worry, the movie will.
Colin Briggs (Clive Owen, last seen in the brilliant "Croupier" ) can't seem to stay out of prison. He hasn't been out long, and already he's breaking a store's window and stealing flowers. After a short chase, the police catch him.
Lucky for Colin, he ends up getting a chance to serve time at the minimum security HMP Edgefield, an open prison in the Cotswolds. It's an experimental prison that doesn't have any fences. Any inmate could just walk away any time they pleased. What a fantastic idea. Of course prisoners would stick around.
Colin's roommate (they aren't in cells) is an old man named Fergus Wilks (David Kelly, "Waking Ned Devine"). Fergus is sick and will die in prison.
Initially, Colin is cold to Fergus and everyone else at Edgefield. He's your typical tough loner type and he just wants to quietly do his time and not be bothered by anyone. But Fergus is a loveable old man, irresistible to even the toughest Clint Eastwood clone, and soon Colin and Fergus are good buddies.
Though he has never gardened before and has no interest in it, Colin begrudgingly plants the seeds that Fergus gives him for a Christmas present. They plant them in hard, infertile soil near the prison, but somehow they blossom and become beautiful violets.
The flowers impress the prison Governor, and he wants to clean up Edgefield and get some good press for a change, so he calls upon Colin, Fergus and three other inmates to cultivate Edgefield's first garden.
They create a wondrous garden, and flower expert Georgina Woodhouse (Helen Mirren) is intoxicated by the men's strange gardening style and unexpected results. At a meeting of the Royal Horticultural Society, she says that she will be sponsoring them at their first show in the prestigious Hampton Court.
Much like every film that strains to be inspirational and crowd-pleasing, "Greenfingers" is as predictable as they come. You know everything that happens five minutes before it does and, as a result, 91 minutes feels like 91 days.
It's also extremely sentimental and melodramatic. It feels like the writer is beating you over the head, doing anything to make you cry and feel moved. They'll do whatever it takes. If someone needs to die, so be it.
For good measure, a love story is thrown into the mix between Colin and Georgina Woodhouse's daughter Primrose (Natasha Little). But because it's given such little screen time, and the characters are so thinly developed, it's impossible to care. That and there is never any doubt as to their fate.
The comedy in "Greenfingers" is as obvious as the story. Just like everything else, you can see it coming from a mile away.
It's sad to see actors as good as Owen and Mirren in fluff like this. They both deserve much better and are infinitely more talented than the movie suggests. But not even their presence can salvage this waste of celluloid.
Grade: D-
"Greenfingers" opened Fri., Aug. 31 at Landmark's Oriental Theatre. Click here for showtimes.
