After decades of reality television, you'd think I'd be more prepared for these stretched-out finale clip shows, promising two minutes of drama spread tissue-paper thin over a three-and-a-half hour, two-night package. But nope!

But hey, "Dancing with the Stars" and America stuck the landing, eventually getting around to deservedly naming Rashad Jennings this year's champion. 

For a moment there, however, I was convinced America had done messed up, as instead of narrowly beating out Normani Kordei for the mirror ball trophy, Jennings was in the final two with David Ross – who even got dragged by Donny Osmond during a puffy video package, saying, "Is he the best dancer on the show? Eeeeeeeh."

It was far from the only time somebody said that Tuesday night, too – and thankfully, at some point, the votes reflected it, landing the clunky if endlessly entertaining and earnest retired catcher in second place. Fly your W flags at half-mast today, Cubs fans. 

The silver medal – at the least – deserved to be Normani's, who put a sizable gap between herself and the competition over these final few weeks with her immaculately precise yet still emotionally performed routines. You could tell the judges thought so, too; Len, in particular, looked PISSED that there was a chance David Ross could pull off one gigantic final upset. Then again, I always had questions about whether the Venn diagram of crazed Fifth Harmony fans and "Dancing with the Stars" viewers had that much overlap. Apparently it didn't – or at least not enough. 

But who can really complain about Rashad winning?

Not only do football players always perform well on the show, but he had a terrific story, a bright personality and – most importantly – smooth dance moves, including a contemporary routine that was one of the most memorable numbers of the entire season. He had his stumbles – usually chronicled, near the end, by Len, who had an eye out for his footwork – but he channeled some of that perfection Monday night, dancing two of his best routines since that emotional evening.

Normani was my pick, but Rashad, of the dancers remaining, was the clear No. 2, very much meriting the mirror ball and that awkward golf cart ride from the main stage to what looked all night like a Nickelodeon Live set at Universal Studios.

So that was the last five minutes, but what about the other 145 minutes?

Well, we saw all the old faces from across the season. Some were nice to see; Heather Morris is still an outstanding dancer, if only YOU MONSTERS didn't vote her off for a dad dancer! And look at Nick being all fun, not only in his return "Bachelor"-themed routine but in a little comedy bit about his bromance with Maks! Do I ... like ... Nick now? Some, less so. I wasn't clamoring for more Butterfinger BBs Bonner Bolton in my life, but there he was, I guess. And remember Erika Jayne? No? Well, she returned as well ... to sit on a unicorn for five seconds. Just saying, the two guys with spinal reconstruction did more moving than her.

Then again, she might have still been recovering from the third degree burns suffered as a result of her partner Gleb asking if there was a plastic surgeon who could turn her into a better dance. WHOA NOW GLEB! Way to be a supportive partner and friend, dude! Gleb's lucky he didn't get unicorn-stabbed. 

That little bit came out of a blooper reel – which also revealed pro Witney Carson has no idea who Fleetwood Mac is. That and the Mr. T '80s educational video that played like my new favorite "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" skit were the only particularly memorable video segments on the night. Otherwise, most of the packages were classic clip show recaps of the past several weeks, in case you'd been hit on the head and were suffering amnesia, and generic talking about journey stuff. Then again, there was also a repeating display of Lindsay farting in David's face, so all two nights and three-and-a-half total hours were completely worth it.

Live performances took up most of the time, both dancing and singing, but neither much memorable. Hailee Steinfeld was the only one that particularly sticks out – but only because her costuming and staging for "Most Girls" felt a lot like she REALLY liked Beyonce's "Formation" performance at the Super Bowl two years ago. Her first song, "Starving," left her awkwardly stuck on stage for a chorus for which she doesn't really sing much. SEE, THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HAD ALL SEEN "EDGE OF SEVENTEEN" LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE. You disappoint me, movie-going population of America. 

Oh, there was also a performance from the new "Dirty Dancing" cast, which NO! NO ABC! BAD! Go to your room and think about what you've done.

As for the dances, the final three did their favorites from the past season. For Normani, that meant her construction routine – complete with cameos from Len and Bruno, who was VERY INTO IT. During those two minutes, the man had a deep loathing for wearing shirts. The three also had to perform one final fusion dance, learned in just the 24 hours between last night's finale and Tuesday night's ACTUAL finale – though judging by the video packages, most of that practice time was spent crying over photos from across the season.

Fair enough – and nevertheless, all the dances turned out. Normani's was excellent, David's was clunky but charmingly capable, and Rashad's was good if ... peculiar, less a fusion than stitching together clumps of the two dance styles, complete with Rashad getting very stiff and stone-faced for the in-hold tango bits. Wasn't his best look – but wasn't a problem, as he'd take home the mirror ball.

And good for him; if he can't find a win – or even just employment by a team; come on, NFL – on the football field, then it's nice to see a good guy get one on the dance floor.