I've been away for a week, so it's time to play catch-up. Here's what's on my mind...

If Michael Vick were convicted of running an interstate prostitution ring, would his chances of coming back to an NFL team be any better once he's out of jail? On the one hand, that's also a pretty bad crime. On the other hand, you don't drown the prostitutes who don't perform. You just take away their drug money and kick ‘em out on the street. Discuss amongst yourselves.

The NFL pre-season is such a scam that games are readily and easily called due to inclement weather like thunderstorms. They are such a joke, that even suspended players are allowed to play in them. They are so pointless now that star running backs like LaDainian Tomlinson and Clinton Portis won't likely see a single snap of real action. Maybe it's time to cut it back to two actual pre-season games. Starters play the first half and your reserves and draft picks play the second half. Make up the revenue by allowing season ticket holders some kind of increased practice access instead. Just a thought.

Which is the more screwed up QB lineup in the league: Minnesota with Tavarius Jackson backed by Kelly Holcomb? Or Daunte Culpepper backed by Josh McCown in Oakland? Or is it Damon Huard backed by Brody Croyle in Kansas City? Garcia-Simms-Gradkowski-McCown in Tampa? A whole lotta skeeviness out there.

Speaking of skeevy ... Which running back situation is a bigger nightmare for fantasy owners? Brandon Jackson and Vernand Morency in Green Bay? Jamal Lewis and Jason Wright in Cleveland? Brandon Jacobs and Rueben Droughns in New York? Yikes.

The "Monday Night Football" booth for ESPN is already light years better without Theismann and I wouldn't so much mind an interview in-game as long as it:

A.) Was limited to the first half only.

B) Involved a football player or somebody associated with either team.

Chris Berman called the Vick story "one of the biggest tragedies in sports history" on Monday night. Riiiiiiight. Tragedy? I'm gonna put it at least behind the '72 Olympic hostage story, the Marshall University plane crash, Roberto Clemente and Payne Stewart. I'm sure the list goes deeper, but why bother? For Berman, the second biggest sports tragedy was when he got to the shrimp platter too late at the annual Super Bowl commissioner's party.

Give credit to Kobe Bryant and the USA ‘ballers. They are going through the FIBA Tournament like Pac-Man Jones goes through singles at Nexxus Gold Club. Kobe's clamping down on chumps, while only coming in as the third-leading scorer. Let's keep it up, and bring back dominance to the sport that is rightfully ours to dominate.

I'm calling tennis star Nicolay Davydenko -- Nicolay Davy-TANK-oh -- for his involvement in a highly suspicious match this spring where he retired after leading a set, and with a sudden influx of $7 million in gambling money via the Web on his opponent. Davy-TANK-oh says he's innocent. Hmmm. I'm gonna need to hear and see more than that to believe him.

We now know what was said to soccer star Zinedine Zidane to make him head-butt Marco Materazzi in the waning minutes of the World Cup Final. Materazzi said he'd like the "whore" that was Zidane's sister. So Zidane defends his sister's "honor" but ends up as one of the world's biggest soccer goats in history. My question: "Does his sister actually feel good that he did this?" I'm guessing no, which would make the whole thing even more stupid. What ever happened to a good old fashioned: "Oh yeah? Well then f*** you!"?

Dale Earnhardt's step-mommy -- Theresa Cruella DeVille Earnhart -- won't let him have the #8 with his new team. So he's likely to choose #81. At first, I thought it just made sense because it was close to #8. Then I was told by somebody who really knows NASCAR and they said the "tattoo factor" had to be accounted for. I said: "Come again?" They said slapping a "1" next to the "8" tattoo was the easiest solution for millions of fans. And yes, they actually did think about that! Yee haw!

Everybody stop saying Michael Vick had "poor judgment." No, he "engaged in a criminal enterprise." Period.