{image1} If you were like me, a sports fan who thinks he knows at least a little bit about the NBA, you probably said while watching the recent All-Star Weekend slam dunk contest: "Who the hell are these guys?"
OK, so you knew Amare Stoudamire.
But J.R. Smith, Josh Smith and Chris Andersen? The collective "basketball resumes" of these three jabronis, is barely long enough to fill up a matchbook.
Let's review: J.R. Smith plays for the New Orleans Hornets. The Hornets are an awful team, in a bad sports city. If you look up the "Bio" link on Smith's "official" NBA.com Web site, the page is empty! If the league can't find something notable other than that he played in high school (St. Benedict's Prep, N.J.), then you know you've got trouble.
Josh Smith is another high schooler that plays for the equally dreadful Atlanta Hawks. This Smith's bio? Also empty. Except now for his "win" in the 2005 Sprite Rising Stars Slam Dunk Contest.
Chris Andersen? He actually has an interesting footnote to his bio, even though it's not one you would brag about. He's the first ever No. 1/No. 1 pick -- of the D-League! This came after playing for the Fargo-Moorehead Beez in the IBA. Andersen's higher education? Well, he did go to Blinn Junior College in Texas. So he's got a leg up on the two Smiths.
Wow. I am speechless.
I am obliged to note, that Josh Smith was your eventual winner. His "signature" dunk was a cover tune of 'Nique's old two-handed windmill. Only he was wearing the old 21 Mitchell and Ness jersey as a tip of the cap to the human highlight film. On an excitement scale of 1-10, I would rate it a tepid 4, but many in attendance seemed to be more impressed.
Once upon a time, Michael Jordan battled Dominique Wilkins for the title, as if his life depended on it. If that was The Rock vs. HHH on WWE Raw, then this dunk contest was JBL vs. Booker T at a Tuesday night house show in Tuscaloosa.
The common cry of the fans was simply: "Where are the stars?" Where's Kobe? Vinsanity? Stevie Franchise? Bron-Bron?
Where's the American spirit of finding new frontiers, and pushing the envelope? I don't buy the old saying that "all the dunks have been done before." That old excuse was used in 1998 and 1999, when the league canceled the event.
Then in 2000, Vince Carter blew everyone's mind with the through the legs throw-down and Adonis pose, along with the "Elbow Hang" dunk. Everyone thought, "Wow! I haven't seen that before!"
It reminds us of the late Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, who in 1899 uttered the now famous line, "Everything that can be invented has been invented."
Wrong. New things can be invented, and so can new dunks.
Stoudamire and Steve Nash pulled off a magical hardwood trick with the glass-head-flush number, which should have ended the competition on the spot. Not only was that new, but it required practice and teamwork, two things many NBA stars aren't big fans of in the first place.
We are told that you just can't convince the star players to do this anymore. Some say they just want to "make way" for younger players to make a name. OK, that's fine. Until you end up with three high schoolers, and a JUCO guy in the contest, with three of the four on lousy teams.
Am I the only one to notice that the contest has been renamed the Sprite Rising Stars Slam Dunk Contest? I don't think this is a cute reference to "rising to the rim." I think it is a way to excuse the fact that very few name players will touch this event now.
Shaq says the problem is nothing that a little bit more money can't fix. Like, say, $1 million or so for the winner. Which I am fine with, because I do love capitalism, and this still is America. But the NBA would suffer a predictable PR backlash at the thought of having to pay its already well-compensated millionaires even more money just to take part in a one-hour exhibition.
Others say the reason stars don't want to be in the dunk contest anymore, is that they just don't want to lose. Given how subjective the judging can be, you can understand why a fragile ego like Kobe might not be able to live with losing to Steve Francis.
The supreme irony of this lack of dunk-i-tude is that almost every commercial for an NBA player and his sneakers, involves -- what else -- dunking! Usually in an empty gym where no other player has the chance to steal some of the spotlight. The modern sneaker commercial has become clichéd to a fault.
LeBron needs to do this event someday, so he might as well get it on. The kid gets so high while throwing down in games; it looks like he's jumping off of a milk crate while everyone else is wearing ankle weights.
Bron passed again this year, claiming that his injured ankle didn't allow him to get sufficient "lift." Yeah, uh huh. He did find enough "lift" to play big minutes in the Rookie-Sophomore game, and (get this) he dunked four times.
Personally, I don't want to think there are no more dunks to be discovered. I think they are out there, waiting to amaze us. Perhaps somebody can dunk with his shorts on fire. Or with a midget riding his back. Maybe somebody can autograph a ball in mid-air with a sharpie. How about somebody taking off from the top of the key!
Can't be done? The physics are impossible? You never know.
Besides, have you heard about this kid in high school?
Steve is a native Washingtonian and has worked in sports talk radio for the last 11 years. He worked at WTEM in 1993 anchoring Team Tickers before he took a full time job with national radio network One-on-One Sports.
A graduate of UC Santa Barbara, Steve has worked for WFNZ in Charlotte where his afternoon show was named "Best Radio Show." Steve continues to serve as a sports personality for WLZR in Milwaukee and does fill-in hosting for Fox Sports Radio.
