The "bum wine" has many names: street wine, brown bag wine, wino wine, fortified wine or twist-cap wine (although a lot of decent wines have twist caps now, too). They all, however, have a few things things in common: a price tag under $5, an alcohol content around 18 percent and the promise of a mallet-to-the-skull hangover.
The unfortunate latter fact aside, very cheap wines have their place, mostly with young drinkers, but not always.
"It’s not only college kids buying really cheap wine these days," says Mark Nord, the owner of Downer Wines and Spirits, 2638 N. Downer Ave. "A lot of people are buying them these days."
For the uber-economical vino shopper, Nord recommends a $4.99 bottle called Broke Ass, which comes in red or white. "It’s not bad," he says.
But more classic bum wines include MD 20/20, Night Train, Thunderbird, Wild Irish Rose and Cisco. Here’s a brief description of each.
MD 20/20, often simply referred to as "Mad Dog" even though the MD really stands for "Mogen David," is bottled by the 20/20 wine company in Westfield, New York. There are seven or eight fruity flavors to choose from, but try the "Red Grape Wine" or the "Banana Red" but be careful. At 18 percent alcohol by volume, this dog bites back pretty damn hard.
Night Train Express, the bastard child of E&J Gallo Winery, falls on the bad beverage spectrum somewhere between Nyquil and Kool-Aid. At 17.5 percent alcohol, it’s definitely not for kids, but it is, however, a choo-choo wreck waiting to happen.
Thunderbird, also an E&J Gallo secret, was described by one drinker as tasting like "what your hand smells like after you pump gas." Like Night Train, it has an alcohol content of 17.5 percent and it definitely puts the "ill" in swill.
Cisco is very sweet, and yet, it is neither a wine cooler nor a baby’s medication. Bottled by the Centerra Wine Company, some flavors have as little as 13.9 percent alcohol. Still not a good beverage to serve at your daughter’s "I Carly" sleepover pizza party, however.
Sure, Wild Irish Rose is bright red and pungent, there’s nothing floral about "Wild I." Bottled by New York’s Canandaigua Wine, it has 18 percent alcohol content and really should have a skull and cross bone on the label instead of a flower.
In Milwaukee, at least a few of these wines are available at most city liquor stores. They are also available in gas stations that sell alcohol.
Matt Baker-Barnes lives in the Harambee nighborhood and he often buys very cheap wines. This past summer, he hosted a "Bum Wine Party" for friends, and served $1.99 bottles of wine and squirt cheese.
"People drink bum wine for one reason: to get drunk. Sometimes, that’s what it’s all about, even though you pay for it the next morning," he says. "I have ‘gone there’ since high school, because I’m usually broke, but if you can afford the good stuff -- like Two Buck Chuck -- I say go for it."
Molly Snyder started writing and publishing her work at the age 10, when her community newspaper printed her poem, "The Unicorn.” Since then, she's expanded beyond the subject of mythical creatures and written in many different mediums but, nearest and dearest to her heart, thousands of articles for OnMilwaukee.
Molly is a regular contributor to FOX6 News and numerous radio stations as well as the co-host of "Dandelions: A Podcast For Women.” She's received five Milwaukee Press Club Awards, served as the Pfister Narrator and is the Wisconsin State Fair’s Celebrity Cream Puff Eating Champion of 2019.
