OnMilwaukee.com features a series called "Switch Shift" that requires the editors to work a few hours at a job that's very different from their usual work. For example, managing editor Bobby Tanzilo worked as a used record shop clerk, senior editor Drew Olson flipped burgers at George Webb and I was a magician's assistant for master illusionist David Seebach.

For about a year, OnMilwaukee.com publisher Andy Tarnoff and I have chatted about the possibility of me taking a "shift" as a member of the Brew City Bruisers female roller derby team. This sounded like fun to me, and I even picked potential names: Molly Ringworm or Molly McBlooder.

So with all of this in mind, my kids and I went to the last Brew City Bruisers' bout on Saturday night.

It was my sons' first time seeing live roller derby -- I had seen a bout once before -- and, as always, the bad asses-on-wheels put on an entertaining show and a great fight despite their losses. (In the first half, the Brew City Battlestars lost to the Steel City B-Unit, 124 to 195; and in the second half, the Brewcity Allstars lost to the Steel City Steel Hurtin', 45 to 168.)

However, while watching the bouts, I came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell I could hang with these surly rollers.

My mediocre skating skills -- developed solely during the ‘80s at Waukesha Skateland -- are not going to help me in the least. These grrls are competitive speed demons with a crap-ton of talent and skill. Sadly, I came to the conclusion that if I attempted a single lap with my sub-par skating abilities I'd end up extra-flat roadkill in fishnets.

Maybe Molly Ringworm will lace up in the next life.