The Reverend J.J. Cleophus Washington and The Lukemaster Flash, two of the five members of the popular disco cover band The Boogie Men, swagger into Beans & Barley restaurant and slump into a booth, completely oblivious to the long line of people waiting for a table.
"Hey, waiter," J.J. yells to a young guy holding a water pitcher, "can we get a couple of a Heine's over here?"
Decked out in loud polyester get-ups, the two sport afros the size of hormone-injected pumpkins, and despite the eclectic lunchtime crowd, stick out like Coke cans in a compost pile.
"This is really early for us. We don't usually roll out of bed before four," says J.J., reaching into his shirt pocket for a toothpick and proceeds to pick his teeth, one of which has a small gold star imbedded in it.
"We don't have Heineken," the waiter says politely. "How about a Lakefront beer or a glass of wine?"
"Wine? Yeah okay, we'll take a couple bottles of red," says The Lukemaster.
Although The Boogie Men are known for their live shows which feature disco favorites like Grandmaster Flash's "White Lines" and Earth, Wind and Fire's "September," they are finishing up an album of original material called "A Thing of Bootie." This is the band's second album. Their first was recorded in 1996 and features "Super Sexy Barbeque," one of the only original songs they play at gigs.
"In this town, if you want people to come out and see your band, you can't force your own music down their throats," says The Lukemaster.
"People around here want to hang their hats on a situation that they can count on," adds J.J. "They want to know what they're going to hear, what they're going to see ... Our whole thing is to create shows where people can dance and enjoy themselves, and the only way to achieve that in a town like this is to play hit after hit."
The Boogie Men play more than 100 shows a year, both in clubs and at festivals. This summer, they opened for the B-52's in front of 20,000 people, and they regularly pack clubs like Nick's Nicabob and the Dry Bean in Madison.
Members of The Boogie Men include: Lukemaster Flash on bass, Reverend J.J. Cleophus Washington -- who claims he founded "The Church of Booty" -- on keyboards, singer Dr. Detroit Goldenstone, the kilt-wearing Scotsman Haggis McFunky, Lamont "Yomamagotafatass" DuFontaine on sax and Randy Randy Rodriguez on guitar.
"We found Randy Randy on a beach in Puerto Rico playing guitar for some girls," J.J. says, swigging from the bottle of wine before pouring another glass for The Lukemaster.
The two go on to talk rapidly amongst themselves about many different subjects, including the merits of mediocrity. "Here's to happiness through mediocrity," says J.J., raising the wine and again pulling right from the bottle.
The two go on to toast toast all of their favorite people, from the late Herve Villachez to their friends the Love Monkeys, another Milwaukee cover band, until finally, they are out of wine.
Although J.J. and The Lukemaster wouldn't discuss the issue, rumor has it that The Boogie Men were medically frozen in the late '70s because disco was taking a backseat to the new wave movement. In 1996, they were supposedly unfrozen to relive the party-all-the-time lifestyle.
"We heavily promote disco and drinking," says J.J. "We believe disco is the path to social enlightenment and alcohol is an interpersonal lubricant that everyone should partake in to loosen the vibe."
And woman?
"Oh, we love women. We love to see 'em dance and we love to have 'em on stage," says J.J., who admits to having to recently hire a stage manager, Craven Moorehead, to control the number of ladies shakin' it on stage at one time.
{INSERT_RELATED}The Boogie Men usually pull up to their gig in a gold VW bus only seconds before they are scheduled to perform. Their standard opening band, Band X, warms up the crowd with covers of current pop songs. Recently, Band X -- whose members coincidentally look a lot like the Boogie Men -- have asked to break out on their own.
"Even though we don't pay them, they should just be happy to open for us," says The Lukemaster, pushing away his half-eaten tempeh reuben and mumbling something about the insanity of a meatless sandwich.
"Yeah, sorry, but we gotta get out of here," J.J. says. "But tell the Milwaukee people thank you, would ya? Tell them thanks for coming out and getting drunk with us."
When Molly Snyder Edler stumbled back into the office in a purple haze after her meeting with the Boogie Men we attempted to get verification of the outrageous events described in the above story. However, despite Andy Tarnoff's repeated pounding of his head, Ms. Edler could not be pinned down on the specifics of the day's events. So, readers are advised to beware.
Molly Snyder started writing and publishing her work at the age 10, when her community newspaper printed her poem, "The Unicorn.” Since then, she's expanded beyond the subject of mythical creatures and written in many different mediums but, nearest and dearest to her heart, thousands of articles for OnMilwaukee.
Molly is a regular contributor to FOX6 News and numerous radio stations as well as the co-host of "Dandelions: A Podcast For Women.” She's received five Milwaukee Press Club Awards, served as the Pfister Narrator and is the Wisconsin State Fair’s Celebrity Cream Puff Eating Champion of 2019.
