The opinions expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the opinions of OnMilwaukee.com, its advertisers or editorial staff.
New Year’s resolutions are a common form of making promises that you may or may not be able to keep.
But the effort is always sincere.
Famous people have learned over the years to not be public with their resolutions. Like a vow to add 250,000 new jobs in Wisconsin, only to find that it was a ridiculous promise.
However, thanks to my incredible skills as an investigative reporter, I think I’ve uncovered resolutions made by a whole host of the famous. I can’t pledge that they are all perfectly accurate, but they ought to be.
Donald Trump
... resolves to find a way to use the words "slut," "Mexicans," "Bill, Monica and Hillary" and "Muslim" in the same sentence.
Scott Walker
... resolves to hold onto his bitterness over his country bumpkin presidential bid and take his anger out on teachers, poor people, the entire university system and all concepts of freedom – with the exception of the freedom for him to collect as much money as possible from rich people who want to help him out.
Editors of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
... resolve to turn every page of the paper green, shrink the font to 6-point Lucida Calligraphy and to never write any article longer than 200 words. They also will announce that the paper will shrink to six pages, but promise that there would be no further shrinkage and pledged to keep on covering the news.
Chris Abele
... resolves not to make any resolutions, because he might have a big announcement later in the year, and he doesn't want to confuse people. Abele, of course, is rumored to be about to run for governor.
Tom Barrett
... resolves to really, really, really, really do something that everyone would notice.
David Clarke
... resolves to try and prove that his inflammatory rhetoric, which makes him sound like the most hateful redneck alive, is something that he really believes and not just some sort of act being forced on him by the white guys at Fox News.
Rebecca Kleefisch
... resolves to photobomb every photo-op of Scott Walker (see above) in order to let people know what she looks like so that shoppers in the produce or needlepoint departments at her local Wal-Mart will recognize her and know she's someone special.
Hillary Clinton
... resolves to give in to her advisers and contact Giorgio Armani, Betsy or both Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana and do something, anything, about those pants suits.
Barack Obama
... resolves to kick back and coast through his final year in office and play as much golf and basketball as he can, saying he was "just so darn tired of all this crap."
Wes Edens, Marc Lasry and Jamie Dinan
... resolve to move to Milwaukee (hint: don’t hold your breath).
Incumbent aldermen
... resolve to start paying attention to constituents who aren’t all that happy about the way the city is going and seem to be looking for a change, almost any change.
Silk Exotic owner Jon Ferraro
... resolves to keep applying for a license and listening to efforts of the city to setting the million-dollar lawsuit they lost and resolves to consider settling if the city stops this stupid refusal and gives him a license to operate a perfectly legal business that would be very attractive to traveling businessmen.
Happy New Year everyone.
With a history in Milwaukee stretching back decades, Dave tries to bring a unique perspective to his writing, whether it's sports, politics, theater or any other issue.
He's seen Milwaukee grow, suffer pangs of growth, strive for success and has been involved in many efforts to both shape and re-shape the city. He's a happy man, now that he's quit playing golf, and enjoys music, his children and grandchildren and the myriad of sports in this state. He loves great food and hates bullies and people who think they are smarter than everyone else.
This whole Internet thing continues to baffle him, but he's willing to play the game as long as OnMilwaukee.com keeps lending him a helping hand. He is constantly amazed that just a few dedicated people can provide so much news and information to a hungry public.
Despite some opinions to the contrary, Dave likes most stuff. But he is a skeptic who constantly wonders about the world around him. So many questions, so few answers.
